"Why am I here?" It's a loaded question. We want to know our purpose, but we are really asking why we are in this situation.

So much is on my heart this week, and my mind is playing squirrel, jumping in different directions, but I wanted to get at least some of...

The oncologist called yesterday, right before my PET scan, and said that the bone marrow results indicated Mantle Cell Lymphoma, a...

In 2020, God gave me a dream in which I came to a cross-roads. The path to the left was a beautifully paved path, winding through a butterfly meadow... But the path to the right? That was a hard path. It led steeply downhill, and into a dark and scary forest, like Mirkwood from The Lord of the Rings. Also, the path itself? Full of rocks. A difficult descent. Nope, Nope, Nope! But in the dream, Jesus was standing at the crossroad and reaching out His hand to walk with me down

As I was lying in bed this morning, God showed me Kojak. Or perhaps it was Mister Clean. An older man, like me, shaved bald (also me), but tough. And muscular! I immediately started thinking. "Wow God. I need to start working out again; join a gym or something." And then I remembered my big workout yesterday. I drove myself to Walmart and then CVS, and that great workout (Ha!) totally did me in. I was done for the day! Ridiculous... But then God played the chorus of the song

As I walked in the door, I heard Russian being spoken from the pulpit-- and I was understanding it. His daughter Natasha was translating, yes, but I was understanding it.. I don't think you fully appreciate how bad I was at speaking Russian. And it hasn't happened since then. But it was a miracle, just for me. It was the answer to my question to God and I understood immediately. "Yes, God," I said. "I understand. I will keep studying Russian." I bought his book that night, "

When I was in the hospital and fighting for air, they taught me proning. If you lie flat on your stomach and bring your arms up, something about this position stretches your lungs out, and gives you maximum oxygen absorption. When I am in respiratory distress, if I stretch myself out this way, I start feeling better in minutes.

I will be feeling good, great even! And then, it's like someone DARTS me, and suddenly I'm down. Suddenly, as in 15-20 SECONDS...

So here in this hospital room, there have been many scary moments, especially in the early stages, when I would be feeling great! And something would happen and my energy reserves would be used up without warning. My blood oxygen saturation would start falling, my lungs would start hurting, it would suddenly get harder to breathe, and all these old memories would hit me like a fire hose. My heart rate would spike. "I'm dying!!!" From all is well to sheer terror, usually in le

I realize some of you are contemplating going to the hospital, and the Planner in you is desperately wondering what to pack!

Early this morning I was proning and uncomfortable, and trying to pray. God brought to mind this amazing scene from the 2006 movie Apocalypto. Our hero is fleeing his pursuers and in desperation leaps over a great waterfall. As he comes out of the water at about the two minute mark in this video, his whole perspective changes, and he turns in defiance and gives this incredible speech...

As I think about it, I had definite plans for Christmas week and the following ones. But everything had to change. I survived the experience, but it was a good lesson to hold things lightly. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Do you love someone? Tell them. Are you estranged from family or friends? Fix it. Do you have a dream vacation to an exotic location in the back of your mind? Book that ticket. Been engaged for years? Just marry the girl already!

It was one week into my admission into the hospital with Covid... I hadn't shaved in over a week and decided my Christmas gift to myself was to look presentable. I was kneeling at the sink with oxygen tube, trying to shave in their lukewarm water when a nurse came in. She started to fuss at me to get into bed, but took pity on me and helped me shave my head. I was utterly out of strength to lift my arms at that point, and don't think I could have finished on my own... I will

This morning, I was having Quiet Time, and God brought to mind the Amy Grant Christmas song Breath of Heaven. This song never really moved me in the past, but I Googled the lyrics anyway. I mean, God brought it up, right? I got to the chorus, and blinked hard. Breath of Heaven, Hold me together... I was not holding it together. I am still not. But I am improving physically. I want to be home with my wife. But I have to get better first. And that is not going to happen if

I lay down this afternoon to try to nap. And just like usually happens here in this hospital bed, it gets hard to breathe. It feels like my nasal passages just got restricted. It requires muscle to breathe only through my nose. Just like in the scary asthma attacks of my past. My heart rate jumps. My anxiety kicks in. I will myself to take slow steady breaths through my nose, when my mind is screaming to open my mouth and breathe! Breathe fast! Hurry! But God...

This man should have beat a hasty retreat. Unclean! That's what you do when you come across a leper. You Run. Just like in The Matrix when you meet an Agent. You Run... But instead, he drew near, and ministered. What an incredible way to love a stranger. Thank you God, for this man. Who made a visible calculation to risk his life and health to be with me here. To be Jesus to me.