Packing for the Hospital

All is well. I realize some of you have sick loved ones, or you yourself are contemplating going to the hospital, and the Planner in you is desperately wondering what to pack! Let me share a little of my perspective. I only brought a change of underwear and my toothbrush, but my wife has been sending me care packages, and I am now well equipped! Here are things that I have either found helpful, or wish I had thought of before this morning:

1. SMART phone, not a flip phone. Many of us have aging parents who have a flip phone and don't like to text. It's just too much work! But listen. This is REALLY important. Communication with family is going to be the biggest morale booster. And if they have Covid pneumonia like I got it, physically talking is exhausting. I am good for 5 minutes, 10 minutes MAX, and then I start crashing. So while I WANT to talk with my family, I just can't. Texting is the workaround. With group texts, you can update everyone at once. Or you can have private conversations. Download a Texting app. I use Facebook Messenger and Telegram. But seriously, teach your people how to text, how to do phone apps, how to do video calls, how to live as a Modern. This is huge. I know your father is grumpy. Too damn bad. Make him learn. A smart phone is a tool. A weapon. He needs to be proficient in the use of this weapon. TOUGH love, people!

And load a Podcast app. This will give the freedom of choice in what to listen to. I DESPISE TV news, because most of it is about stuff I just don't care about, and it makes me impatient. But my wife has been teaching me about podcasts, and now the freedom of choice is refreshing! My current favorite is Young Heretics, with Spencer Klavan.

2. Pajamas! (And warm socks.) They will give you a hospital gown. They open at the back. And if you have Covid, you absolutely MUST be sleeping on your belly. Which means your gown flops open and your bare skin is exposed. You have a blanket, sure. But the air is ALWAYS blowing. And when you're hooked up to a finger oxygen sensor, a heart monitor, and maybe even an IV, and lying in your stomach, you personally are not capable of covering yourself in the night, so you're going to get cold. BUT... if you bring comfortable Pajamas, (I have been wearing very comfortable long underwear for 11 days-- it's the best!) if you bring comfortable pajamas, then you will sleep better, everyone won't be seeing your wobbly bits every time they walk in the room, and life is just... better. Also, pack your favorite zip-up Hoodie, and some T-shirts. I often find that I struggle to keep my body temperature regulated. But by switching back and forth between my T-shirt, my long underwear, and my hoodie, I can manage. Just barely at moments, but I am managing. My room has a thermostat, but it is programmable and refuses all my efforts to override it. I am COLD. It is blowing cold air. And there is absolutely NOTHING I can do that will make it stop. At the moment, my room is 69.7 degrees, even though i tried to set it at 87. Nope! But with three types of clothing in my arsenal here, I am able to cope. So just plan for it.

3. Something to occupy your mind. A book, or three. A notebook and pen. A Bible. Something that you enjoy doing when all alone. Because you are going to have a LOT of alone time. And TV is just... boring. And READING GLASSES.

4. A toilet kit. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, DEODORANT. All your medications. Now, they won't let you TAKE your meds from home, but they really need to see the bottles themselves to see what you're on. I shaved Christmas morning for the first time in a week and a half. It was my Christmas gift to myself. Self-care is a thing. Feeling good about yourself is healing.

5. Butt cream! For diaper rash. Hahahaha! Yeah, I know. They will give you baby wipes, which is Wonderful, but over time those may irritate your tender bottom. (I'm just being real here people, nobody get excited.)

6. Food items. They will always be bringing you ice water, but when your lungs are coated with mucus, you want a HOT drink to loosen it, not a cold one. So pack herbal tea bags. Ask for hot water as soon as you wake up, and with every meal, and drink it! For me, these tea bags have been huge in making me feel decent at any given moment. Also, many of you have food addictions. To hot sauce. Your food is going to come with salt, pepper, and maybe butter. So if you are into Tabasco sauce, pack a bottle! Also, things like candy and baked goods. Little memories of home, but they will make you FEEL good. SCREW the calories, EAT that brownie!! They will give you steroids, and towards the end you will be ravenous. Like the Marvel movie character Venom, prowling for food. "HUNGRY!!! HUNGRY!!! HUNGRY!!!" Having snacks from home will help you cope until the next meal comes. Also, as your body ramps up to fight the Covid, your metabolism is going to get JACKED and you will want to eat double or triple what you normally do. It's normal. Don't stress. Eat the food. Eat all your vegetables. It will help you heal, and that's why you're here. Coffee! I love having coffee when I wake up. Except, I am waking up at 5 am, and breakfast doesn't come until 8:30. I wish I had thought to bring instant coffee and creamer from home so I can make it with my early morning hot water.

Anyway, I hope you found this helpful, or at least amusing. Thanks for being here for me.