Do any of you use OneDrive? One of the benefits is a daily reminder of the past. A picture or video pops up from one year ago today, two years ago today, seventeen years ago today, etc. You see your children grow up, places you no longer live in, stuff you no longer own...
One Drive showed me a song I wrote, one year ago today. Its title was "What Are You Doing, God?" I wrote it in the middle of my cancer diagnostic process. I had been told I had lymphoma-- probably one of the scary subtypes-- but they hadn't narrowed it down yet. (That required a second bone marrow biopsy, to be read by the human experts at Boston Gene, because the computer threw up its hands and gave up. It was a time of severe uncertainty, (Am I dying, God?) reflected in the lyrics. I was full of questions for God.
Why am I here?
What is my job?
Why are you keeping me here in the dark?
Do I have a task?
What is your plan?
I don't like this waiting--
I don't understand!
Why am I here?
"Why am I here?" It's a loaded question. We want to know our purpose, but deep inside, we are really asking why we are in this situation. (Why, God, are you allowing this pain -- this trauma-- in my life?) Sometimes God answers this kind of question. But in my own experience, God is more likely to tell us "What" than "Why." (Maybe He wants us to just trust Him?) He may ultimately reveal The Why, but meanwhile we go on living.
In the past couple of weeks I got to go on a cruise, but a lot happened meanwhile. My brother, my sister-in-law, and I each came home from the cruise with Covid, my other work truck broke down (making the bill $12k in truck repairs for the month), and my sweet mother fell and broke BOTH ankles. She had to have two surgeries, and now has 24 pins and cannot put weight on her ankles indefinitely. The accident occurred while my parents were taking care of my brother's kids in Ohio so we could go on a cruise together. Now she is home in Virginia, but her life and my father's is utterly changed for the foreseeable future. Her sunny attitude, though, reminds me of what the apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 4: 10-13, quoted from The New International Version:
I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, but I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in each and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
I recall a motivational poster from Air Force ROTC class at Texas A&M. "Your attitude, not your aptitude, determines your altitude." It's true though. Her attitude is the best, and God is giving my parents grace and strength as they are dealing with this hardship.
Looking back on the past year, I recall many memories and milestones. Among them:
approximately 60 days in the hospital
six rounds of chemo
one stem cell transplant
two weeks in the American Cancer Society's Charleston Hope Lodge
eight to ten books read
four (or five?) songs written
eighty blog posts written on www.PeteCox.org
one book written and published, "101 God Thoughts", available on Amazon
twelve college friends seen for the first time in 30 years
five sets of relatives seen for the first time in 6+ years
hog hunting with my son
Touring The Alamo, the San Antonio River Walk, and the Texas A&M campus with him
Three "Retirement Watches" (don't ask)
Covid (again), but FAR easier this time
the passing of two relatives and my pastor
1,800 new friends in the Facebook group "Mantle Cell Lymphoma: The Journey"
35 lbs gained through cancer treatment, and about half of them lost since then
Aruba, Curacao, and the Dominican Republic visited
My wife's week in the hospital, followed by her full recovery
Coming home from my own hospital stay on our 25th wedding anniversary
A finding of "No Evidence of Disease" on my last PET scan
It's been a very good year. Here's to another!
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