Last night I had a significant dream. In my dream, I was scheduled for execution. It was something having to do with my faith in Christ, but in my dream I didn't know the details. All I knew was that it was imminent. Interestingly, I initially thought the execution was supposed to take place in a church. I thought that because I could hear the hymns being sung. Was it for heresy? (The Inquisition was infamous for burning heretics, but some of the Protestants did it too. The church angle is a discussion for another day.)
(Alternative Explanation: I knew the execution was to take place "over there", across the street, where I could hear the singing. When I first wrote this, I assumed that meant the church was the place of execution. But it's possible that I heard the singing coming from there BECAUSE it was a place of execution, and the church body was there, praising God and praying for my deliverance from death. Which happened to me. The church WAS in fact praying for my deliverance from death, and God answered.)
In my dream, I was being held in a little building across the street, and I was was trying to spend what little time I had left by checking off my list of final interactions before I died. I was trying to find paper to write a note to my wife about disposition of assets. (I had already told her the actual important things many times: That I absolutely love her, and that I want her to re-marry very quickly so she will not be lonely.) I also wanted to tell my friends at the Facebook group "Mantle Cell Lymphoma: The Journey" what was happening, so they wouldn't wonder why I disappeared. I found my laptop, but couldn't figure out how to access the WiFi. My minders came to tell me that it would be a few minutes more. But then they never returned. At that point, I woke up and realized it was just a dream. It had seemed so real when I was in the middle of it.
I am reminded of the scene in Acts 12 where Peter is in prison, awaiting execution the next day. He is sleeping soundly, chained to two guards. We pick up the story in verse 7, quoting from The New International Version:
Suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared and a light shone in the cell. He struck Peter on the side and woke him up. "Quick, get up!" he said, and the chains fell off Peter's wrists.
Then the angel said to him, "Put on your clothes and sandals." And Peter did so. "Wrap your cloak around you and follow me," the angel told him. Peter followed him out of prison, but he had no idea what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision. They passed the first and second guards and came to the iron gate leading to the city. It opened for them by itself, and they went through it. When they had walked the length of one street, the angel suddenly left him.
In Peter's case, he initially assumed that all of this was just a vision. Not real. (Because God would never do that "for real," right?) All of this-- bright light, chains falling off, angel talking to him, gates opening by themselves-- still just a vision, right? What does this suggest about Peter's experiences with God-- that perhaps his visions were more full, more vibrant, more REAL than most of our experiences? Such that he could mistake something so real as "just a vision"? (God, please make my experience of you more real!)
In my own dream, I am intrigued not by what I was trying to do in my final moments-- saying goodbye to my cancer peeps and telling my wife which friends and children I wanted to have which specific treasures-- but by what I was NOT doing. I was not trying to make amends with anyone. I lost some key friendships over the years. I can think of some losses that were absolutely devastating. Many tears were shed, and multiple attempts were made to bring reconciliation, without avail. In my dream I remembered them, but elected not to make a final attempt. I had done all I could already. My conscience was clear.
While I was thinking and journaling about this aspect in my quiet time this morning, I opened my Bible to Zechariah 8. Verse 19 caught my eye, quoting from The Message:
The days of mourning set for the fourth fifth, seventh, and tenth months will be turned into days of feasting for Judah-- celebration and holiday. Embrace truth! Love peace!
These months represented low points-- anniversaries of tragic memories in their history, which they were commemorating with public mourning and fasting:
In the fourth month (2 Kings 25:4), Jerusalem fell to the Babylonians
In the fifth month (2 Kings 25:8-9), the Babylonians burn down the Temple, the royal palace, and all the houses in Jerusalem
In the seventh month (2 Kings 25:25-26), the governor appointed by the Babylonians is assassinated, and the remaining survivors flee to Egypt
In the tenth month, two years prior (2 Kings 25:1), the siege began
God was telling them through his prophet Zechariah that they were still to get together, but in celebration of God's goodness, not in tearful remembrance of the past. In my own case, God was reminding me that I was not to grieve as these anniversaries of memory came by.
So, what are the takeaways from the dream? I can think of several, but one big one sticks out to me. In the dream, my time was short. I couldn't do anything I wanted to do. I couldn't wrap up work projects or say goodbye to friends, or hug my family. I was in a little room, with minutes left to live. With no paper, no phone, and no internet. My relationship with God was right-- no worries there-- but there was no time left for me to be with the people who mattered to me.
Some of my friends and I have a deadly form of cancer that is without medical cure. We will die either with it or from it, but there is no getting rid of it outside of God's intervention. Every week, at least one of my Lymphoma Group friends die from it. Some of them know it's imminent, and they make careful arrangements. Others are taken by surprise, much like car accident victims. It all happens so... so suddenly. There is no time to prepare, no time to make amends, no time to wrap up their affairs, no time to say goodbye.
So here's my advice. Make peace with God, and with each other. Hug the ones you love, and tell them what they mean to you. Leave no unfinished conversations, and leave no messes for your family to clean up. Be ready to leave this world in a moment-- and without regrets.
I'll see you on the other side.
(If you enjoy my writing, check out my book "101 God Thoughts", available on Amazon in both paperback and kindle editions.)
Intense and though provoking , as usual. Nice job Pete